Love IS…

Most of our definitions of romantic love are constructs of love dictated to us through the use of media and our experiences from our childhood that defined love. Both of these ‘ideals’ are inaccurate and often have nothing to do with love at all, but are rather a reflection of our needs and wants in a relationship. Which is to say; that ‘love’ is what we feel we need reflected back to us through our significant ‘other’ or from any intimate relationship. We are actually ‘in love’ with an ideal of what we believe we can receive from another.

We tend to search for ‘love’ to be reflected back to us in all the wrong places hoping for our ‘ideal’ and then settling for not being alone. But what are we actually searching for?

We are searching for someone to meet our ‘needs’, our conditional expectations that we have set and we have often come with a list of these needs. Yet the only way we can actually have these needs met would be if we met them ourselves.

We ask for physical descriptions, romantic notions, and worse: we ask for the very things we are lacking within ourselves. An example of this would be after experiencing a long list of men who had commitment phobias we want someone who is committed to us. A worthy goal. However, if we have had a pattern of men (or women) who couldn’t commit to us, it is more likely that we have the commitment issue and our partners are just mirroring it back to us. And why would we do this to ourselves?  It may be that we do not feel safe in relationships and therefore choose men who can’t commit!

However, this doesn’t mean that our mirrors are exact replicas; rather it means if someone lacks commitment we attracted them or requested a ‘soul’ contract so that we can learn something about our Soul’s path. When we don’t learn it, we get more opportunities to open us up to the learning our Soul’s choice for us. It may not be commitment that is our issue. It may be self-confidence or it may be that we are learning to love ourselves and in both of these cases having someone with a commitment phobia would be perfect. And something as ‘big’ as self-confidence or self-love would take life times to learn.

“Our search for love has a motivation that we need to identify and understand so that we know what we are attracting and what our Soul’s purpose is.”

The point I’m making is that our definition of “love” is often based on an unreliable source, whether it is [1] a romantic sentiment created through our media culture that is an imaginary ideal that has no truth or authenticity as it is a fantasy that has nothing to do with love; or [2] our definition comes from our experiences of love, often based on our childhood and the patterns we have been repeating since then.

Love isn’t about meeting our ideals or giving us what we need or believe we need, like more romance, safety, commitment or “characteristics” that we often desire in a mate. Love is our ability to share, to give unconditionally, to accept a person for who they are and to take our needs out of the picture. Love is about the other person. Love is about letting go of all of our fears, beliefs and idiosyncrasies that we often blame ‘others’ for and about taking responsibility for all of who we are so that we can love others as well as ourselves. Love is knowing who we are and expressing this to another. Love is infinite without conditions, judgments, fear or resistance. Love is!

And lastly, our search for love has a motivation that we need to identify and understand so that we know what we are attracting and what our Soul’s purpose is. Our Soul in its infinite wisdom chose this life and all the circumstances that have occurred in our life to assist us to know love. All of our relationships are steering us towards our purpose. As I have said many times, relationships are what help us grow the most on this journey. Since we are moving towards love our relationships are all teaching us something about our purpose. So if we could view all of our relationships as a message instead of failure and look at what they are showing us from a ‘bigger picture’ we would be able to have a glimpse of this purpose.

What is our motivation for desiring a healthy relationship (either new or getting a current one back on track)? What are the fears that motivate us to desire love? What hasn’t worked in the past? And what do we feel we have learned through all of our relationships? These are all messages our Soul has designed to move us towards who we are and for the quest for Love to take us to all the right places.

I invite you to take some time this month and examine your choices and desires towards love. Know that everything is perfect for you to grow towards who you are and to express Love in its infinite wisdom. Love is something you share and give to the world. Find a way to express it and Love will find you!

This entry was posted in Blog and tagged Authentic Love, ayrial.com, Consciousness of Relationships, Divine Love, Intuitive Counseling, intuitive counselor, Laurie Huston, Love is, Relationship Advice, Relationships.

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Love is…

I like to term February as Love Month, but what happens more often than not is that we think about what is Not Love. What do I mean by this? We think about love in February because of Valentine’s Day, which means we are thinking about ‘romantic love’. And most of our definitions of romantic love are constructs of love dictated to us through the use of media and our experiences from our childhood that defined love. Both of these ‘ideals’ are inaccurate and often have nothing to do with love at all, but are rather a reflection of our needs and wants in a relationship. Which is to say; that ‘love’ is what we feel we need reflected back to us through our significant ‘other’ or from any intimate relationship. We are actually ‘in love’ with an ideal of what we believe we can receive from another.

We tend to search for ‘love’ to be reflected back to us in all the wrong places hoping for our ‘ideal’ and then settling for not being alone. But what are we actually searching for?

We are searching for someone to meet our ‘needs’, our conditional expectations that we have set and we have often come with a list of these needs. Yet the only way we can actually have these needs met would be if we met them ourselves.

We ask for physical descriptions, romantic notions, and worse: we ask for the very things we are lacking within ourselves. An example of this would be after experiencing a long list of men who had commitment phobias we want someone who is committed to us. A worthy goal. However, if we have had a pattern of men (or women) who couldn’t commit to us, it is more likely that we have the commitment issue and our partners are just mirroring it back to us. And why would we do this to ourselves?  It may be that we do not feel safe in relationships and therefore choose men who can’t commit!

However, this doesn’t mean that our mirrors are exact replicas; rather it means if someone lacks commitment we attracted them or requested a ‘soul’ contract so that we can learn something about our Soul’s path. When we don’t learn it, we get more opportunities to open us up to the learning our Soul’s choice for us. It may not be commitment that is our issue. It may be self-confidence or it may be that we are learning to love ourselves and in both of these cases having someone with a commitment phobia would be perfect. And something as ‘big’ as self-confidence or self-love would take life times to learn.

The point I’m making is that our definition of “love” is often based on an unreliable source, whether it is [1] a romantic sentiment created through our media culture that is an imaginary ideal that has no truth or authenticity as it is a fantasy that has nothing to do with love; or [2] our definition comes from our experiences of love, often based on our childhood and the patterns we have been repeating since then.

Love isn’t about meeting our ideals or giving us what we need or believe we need, like more romance, safety, commitment or “characteristics” that we often desire in a mate. Love is our ability to share, to give unconditionally, to accept a person for who they are and to take our needs out of the picture. Love is about the other person. Love is about letting go of all of our fears, beliefs and idiosyncrasies that we often blame ‘others’ for and about taking responsibility for all of who we are so that we can love others as well as ourselves. Love is knowing who we are and expressing this to another. Love is infinite without conditions, judgments, fear or resistance. Love is!

And lastly, our search for love has a motivation that we need to identify and understand so that we know what we are attracting and what our Soul’s purpose is. Our Soul in its infinite wisdom chose this life and all the circumstances that have occurred in our life to assist us to know love. All of our relationships are steering us towards our purpose. As I have said many times, relationships are what help us grow the most on this journey. Since we are moving towards love our relationships are all teaching us something about our purpose. So if we could view all of our relationships as a message instead of failure and look at what they are showing us from a ‘bigger picture’ we would be able to have a glimpse of this purpose.

What is our motivation for desiring a healthy relationship (either new or getting a current one back on track)? What are the fears that motivate us to desire love? What hasn’t worked in the past? And what do we feel we have learned through all of our relationships? These are all messages our Soul has designed to move us towards who we are and for the quest for Love to take us to all the right places.

I invite you to take some time this month and examine your choices and desires towards love. Know that everything is perfect for you to grow towards who you are and to express Love in its infinite wisdom. Love is something you share and give to the world. Find a way to express it and Love will find you!

See more at - http://www.intuitivesoul.com 

Clearing and Healing Techniques, clearing energy, conscious relationships, Intuitive Counseling, intuitive counselor, Laurie Huston, Love month, Nuclear Physicist, Relationship Advice, Tom Campbell

I Love

I love, because my love is not dependent on the object of love. My love is dependent on my state of being. So whether the other person changes, becomes different, friend turns into a foe, does not matter, because my love was never dependent on the other person. My love is my state of being. I simply love. –Osho

February is always Love month at Intuitive Soul. Whether it is self, romantic or all relationships, I like to term this “love month”. When I think of Love, I think about all the relationships we are in, as well as our continued evolution towards love over fear. The above quote from Osho, describes the type or kind of love that I would like to share with you this Love Month of 2013 and always.

Love is a state of Being, yet our definition of romantic Love seems to have become the most complicated emotion we experience in life. Or perhaps it is the Journey towards evolving into our state of Being that is so complicated. Relationships are how we grow our souls toward love and enlightenment. Some people are afraid of being loved and/or rejected, that they remove themselves from the game. However, regardless of who the players are, our soul will always find the right players to assist us with our growth. They may be our colleagues at work, our boss, our friends or our family. We can’t avoid our opportunities to evolve towards love. But we often try!

We also see the people, who believe they are in the game, but instead are emotionally unavailable or become emotionally available only to someone who cannot return their love. In love we see jealousy and obsession.  Often our love is conditional on the other person changing, being fixed or accepting that we are “right” and then we want to control how the relationship evolves.

We also see the people, who believe they are in the game, but instead are emotionally unavailable or become emotionally available only to someone who cannot return their love. In love we see jealousy and obsession.  Often our love is conditional on the other person changing, being fixed or accepting that we are “right” and then we want to control how the relationship evolves.

As I continue to be reminded, love isn’t about what we can receive. It isn’t about someone loving us back. It isn’t about our ego’s desire to control and manipulate the object of our affection (no matter how unconscious this is). Love is about “giving” and BEing. It is about opening our hearts, being vulnerable, being messy, and evolving from the pain and fears we learned about, that we thought love was. It is about letting go of the corrupted ideas and expectations of what love is.

Imagine if we could be in a state of BEing that is LOVE? That isn’t conditional on anything outside of us. It isn’t dependent on anyone loving us back. It is just about giving unconditionally. Because you are LOVE!! So ultimately being in a state of love is more about  connecting with who you truly are….a journey in to oneself, an inward journey rather than the outward journey that so many of us pursue in the name of LOVE. Imagine how the world would respond to our Being. We wouldn’t be so obsessed about- who or when or if. We would just give love or BE LOVE.

Join me this month to experiment on something new… for 30 days, focus on journeying inward to tap into the love that is within you, that is you and share this with others without expecting anything in return. Without having to be right, or saying or doing things that are forms of manipulation, to get someone to like or love you. Rather just open your heart and express the love and gratitude that you are! Don’t just experiment with your significant other, and include your friends, family, and the person at the checkout counter. Be LOVE!

- See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/i-love

How is Love Unfolding in your life?

As we observe the colder than average winter, we begin to long for spring and warmer weather. Our groundhogs have unanimously decided that we are in for another 6 weeks (although, our meteorologists were already confirming this). On a brighter note, this is the shortest month of the year and the one I have declared as “Love Month”. We allow ourselves an opportunity to open our hearts during this cold, short month because of one day. Unfortunately, many put so much emphasis and expectation on this day to be perfect and set it as a benchmark for how love will show up in their lives.

Valentine’s Day is a lovely opportunity to look at our lives and see what we truly desire in love. Love, first and foremost, should be appreciated from our own hearts. Asking ourselves what does love mean to us? Is it open and flowing or full of disappointments? Do we know Love from inside, or do we only know love from how others have given it to us? Do we share love or covet it like there will never be enough? Is it safe for us to love?

These questions are important to our definitions of love and who we continue to bring into our lives. Love almost always is defined through our parents, how they interacted with one another and with us. The imprint of these interactions are often unconscious, yet they are ever present in our day to day lives.

We often continue to play out these same patterns all our lives. Yet, we have the opportunity to become the observer and evolve our relationships. As with most growth, it must occur within us first. The goal is to become aware of what is operating in our unconscious that is sabotaging our best efforts to nurture love in our own hearts and our relationships with others. We must understand our relationship with self and who we are from the bigger picture. Are we generous, open and compassionate to ourselves? Are we unavailable, thinking only of ourselves and withholding love unless it is proven worthy or our expectations have been met?

Let’s face it, we usually have expectations and needs when it comes to love. We often manipulate and try to control how we get love to meet our needs. Or give love when others meet our expectations. And it is often difficult to just BE in relationship with self and others.

When it comes to love, I invite you to let things just unfold! That way you don’t have to make a quick judgment of the person or relationship (no matter how long you have known them). Judgments are debilitating because once made we then keep them held within a defined box with perceptions and choices restricted to our original judgment. The thing is nothing is how we perceive it, nor is it possible for our perceptions to be accurate, because our past experiences and our judgments are always influencing what we perceive. If you can release the ideas you have created around yourself and others, you can be free of the drama within your life. And you can observe the real unfolding of life. Instead we usually are trying to manipulate and control everything to have it fit our expectations.

That is why it is so important to be open and allow things to unfold, especially when it comes to love! Love is like a flower opening up to the sun! It breathes the sun into itself and allows it to grow. I believe we can be this open with regards to love. To let go of the pain associated with our first introduction to love and redefine what love means to us. We do however, have to begin with ourselves! Share love openly to yourself as well as to others. Focus on the giving of Love and not on the receiving of necessary needs and controlling expectations. Understand the choices that keep you stuck in your misperceptions of love. Love is always evolving and unfolding all around us. God is always showing us how we can evolve. As we evolve, our understanding of what Love is changes. It is Love that feeds our soul and evolves our consciousness. When we can BE and let life unfold, we are embraced in the dance of life. If you desire more love in your life (whether new or renewed) then give unconditionally of your heart and let love unfold freely.

See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/how-is-love-unfolding-in-your-life

Are you Compromising too much?

I’ve been contemplating compromise in the grand scheme of our lives. We are taught that we should be “in service” to the world; that if we want to love it is about “giving”; and that our ego is “bad”. Then I reflected upon our dreams and desires, how we need to set intentions and be clear about what we want so the Universe can deliver our dreams, as long as we can let go and not try to control the outcome. I also considered relationships, which is really the only way we grow, so therefore, are probably one of the most important resources to develop. And finally, I pondered about what it means to focus outside ourselves instead of inside where the magic can happen. These thoughts all brought me to try and understand whether we compromise too much of who we are in life, so that we can follow the expectations of the world (spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally).

We seem to live in a world full of dichotomy, full of demands and expectations, full of what is “right vs wrong” and it becomes difficult to wrap our minds around what we need to do for ourselves. Do we compromise who we are in relationships, whether they are our intimate relationships, family, friends or work colleagues? I know I have! Trying to do the right thing often leads us to compromise something within us. A dream, a belief or a value that is in-congruent to who we are at a soul level. When our boss requests we do something, and our job is contingent on completing our tasks, do we have a choice? What about when our spouse requests we set aside something that we are doing to assist them, or want us to do something that we don’t or can’t because it is against our inner core? The other problem is when are we just feeding our ego and its needs, doing something that is what we need from a soul desire or opening our hearts and just plain giving? Ego is really just what we want! It doesn’t take into consideration “others”. Compromise and ego don’t really have a middle ground. Do our dreams, intentions and desires have to take a back seat to compromising for the good of our relationships?

When is compromising the “right” thing to do and when does it corrode who we are and our Soul’s dreams? We have to honor our inner convictions and inner self. I think part of the problem is that we aren’t always conscious of our inner values and belief systems. Probably this is where we have to begin the search or deep understanding of who we are. I believe that when two people are in a relationship dynamic that comes from different spectrums of the same thought (example is the love vs fear spectrum, one person may be responding from a place of love, the other from fear) we can discuss it rationally to get the other person to see both sides of the spectrum. But sometimes it may be about compromising part of what you need for the greater good of the relationship. Perhaps as long as you aren’t settling for something that is essential to who you are, maybe compromising is okay. Or maybe it has more to do with as long as we are whole and residing in and honoring that place of wholeness within ourselves, when someone asks us to do something, it is not a compromise, you just do it or you don’t and there is no story about it because you are whole and you are existing in that place of wholeness. The problem comes from when we are not in this state or place of wholeness and then we simply exist from a place and state of compromise. This is when awareness is key to our understanding of what is compromise and how we define who we are!

Take some time and reflect how well you are able to honor and respect yourself in relationship with yourself and in relationship with others. Are there areas in your life where you compromise yourself? Maybe some areas you have mastered and others need some attention.

It is important to recognize the difference between compromising what you want and compromising who you are.

See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/are-you-compromising-too-much