What Choices do you make at your Trigger Point?

This month I want to write about something that has been occurring in my life on a regular basis. People are getting stuck in their lives and falling back on their ‘known’ story and so often such stories are full of drama because of the origin of those stories. This problem is occurring with people who are becoming conscious and honestly sincere in their evolution towards love. I believe that there is a mirror here for me and I’m exploring this as it isn’t just one client and I’m feeling stuck with my clients who are stuck! Oh MY!

I have been involved with several shows on ‘The Story of ME’ and it was the subject of my last blog.  And I have had several more shows since then with Christopher Papadopoulos, Thomas Campbell, and Jean Adrienne where we have also discussed this topic. So, we understand that this ‘story’ is not a representation of our truth, but really our story is from our perspectives that are due to our experiences that come from our egoic thinking mind. It typically has some level of insecurity, lack of self-confidence, inability to forgive or our trying to justify our actions or emotions. But we get stuck in the process and fall back into our ‘stories’!

What I want to explore is the moment we have that will allow us to make an easier shift towards getting out of our heads and into our bodies, heart and gut, where we can make present moment decisions that will not expedite our journey into full drama. That moment where we are first triggered. That moment when we are anxious or first feeling insecure, whatever the initial trigger is. That is the moment when we can head off the full blown drama attack.

So what is our ‘thinking mind’ really doing in that ‘trigger moment’? We’re trying to control and manipulate things so that they are the way we want them to be or believe we want them to be. But really the only thing we have any sort of control over, or have some sense of being in charge of, is our emotions (which our thinking mind doesn’t believe because it doesn’t deal with emotions but only thoughts and the memories of emotions).

So in the trigger moments I always say there is a choice! When that first moment of our trigger happens we can still make a rational choice. But after that we are in full blown attack and our rational mind is nowhere to be seen! Sometimes we just have to ride the wave and hope to come through the drama attack without too much damage.

So what is the choice you ask? It is to acknowledge we are feeling anxious. And to acknowledge that this anxiety creates a deeper fear within us that isn’t based on truth but rather a perceived misunderstanding that has been accepted as truth due to our past experiences. It means we can choose not to do the thing that makes it worse … you know grabbing food to fill the void or doing the thing that has the impact to push you to breaking point. It is the moment we can make a choice before the choice is appearing to be taken away from us. (The choice isn’t really taken away, it just feels like that.) It is that moment when we still have a choice to acknowledge that we are feeling uncomfortable before going over the edge. And if we can bring awareness into that feeling of discomfort we are conscious enough to bring ourselves into the now moment. Christopher Papadopoulos offered an amazing meditation in our last interview on this exact topic, it will allow us to move into our bodies to release the anxious energy. A must listen.

What I have learned from this whole experience was pretty impressive.  One of my longest term clients (and dear friend) who probably has triggered me the most due to the fact that our ‘stories’ are the same [we were both abandoned at a young age] inspired me to look deeper into this. I realized that what our ‘thinking mind’ is really doing is trying to put the blame or projecting the problem onto someone or something else; the closest thing for me is my health; for her it was an ex. These represent what we need to heal or accept within ourselves.

You see, we project our deepest core issues onto others when our core issue is much deeper and goes to a time when we weren’t conscious enough or emotionally mature enough to understand what was happening. I’ve been abandoning myself by making the wrong choices in my diet (filling the void with poor choices) and not being able to build my energy again. My client/friend had been making her issues about someone else when in fact the problem is never someone or something else… it is always our own issue.

So in a way our ego is just helping us heal or accept a deeper truth but our thinking mind goes to lay blame elsewhere! I think this is a normal response. It is just that if we can see the bigger picture then we can understand that our patterns and ‘stories’ were created before the age of 7 – before we were emotionally mature enough to comprehend what was happening, and unable to see that it wasn’t personal. As a spiritual Being we are able to understand mentally most concepts and feel into our emotions but as a child we had no reference point: we could only establish our own misunderstandings. And since we felt dependent on our parents we concluded, from a conceptual basis, this must be love.

To heal these wounds we have had to make different choices… and when we don’t realize that we continue with the same ‘stories’ as created by our young selves. We are unaware that what is happening isn’t just a re-enactment of the same core fear: these incidents continue to play out to assist us to create a different story.

At any point in the process we can create another story, choose to respond differently, see that it isn’t the other person or thing that is the problem but rather a belief we made before the age of 7 that is showing up to help us grow. Can you make the decision then – next time something ‘happens’ to you – to see the ‘bigger picture’ and choose to respond by becoming conscious and present?

- See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com

What if…?

We discussed a lot of sabotage this month, the month of change. September has been exciting and exhausting all in one. In my new Heart-Based Support Group with Jean Adrienne we have been discussing Sabotage. In a channeled message I did the question was asked ‘What if you knew that your spiritual growth was a given’? What if you knew that no matter what you did it would all turn out ‘perfectly’ and all the things that happen and all the things that you feel you have done wrong were all ‘perfect’ and in alignment with your higher purpose?

If you could be assured that no matter what happened or what you did, that everything was going to be okay, would that change how you are living your life? What about all the things we do to sabotage ourselves and our happiness… what if you knew that none of that mattered?

All the things you believe you were wrong about, felt regret over… all the wasted energy you have given over your diet, your relationships, your finances, your fears, and all of your suffering… what if it was all just a figment of your imagination… created with your ‘thinking mind’ and contributed to ‘your story’ that has spun everything out of control? Would this change how you live your life? Could you breathe and relax about your life? Could you take some time and enJOY the moments you’re experiencing in your life?

What if you could see into your future and connect with the Being you become and she or he could tell you or show you that it all worked out? Would you change; could you be more relaxed?

You CAN do this! There are many ways to achieve this. Opening your heart, connecting to the divine, listening to a channeled message of a divine being… these are ways to know that everything is going as you contracted your life to unfold.

What if you knew that the only thing we need to do is make choices and these choices are simply either towards love or towards fear?

I remember seeing the 1991 movie ‘Defending Your Life’ with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep. In this movie Albert is a sad man who made many poor choices all on fear and he has to go to ‘life court’ to defend why he made so many choices in fear. The movie was actually quite brilliant as it discusses our choices and whether we are ready for a higher place. The Meryl Streep character made spectacular choices and Albert’s character had to fight to move on. The lesson seems to be, in the movie and in life, that no matter what choices you have made in the past you can always change and move towards love. And we are guaranteed our evolvement.

I remember a past group I was involved with that, as most groups do, try and make you believe you are special and that you will move on to a better place and that someone close to me was looking forward to moving back into Source. But that isn’t the purpose of our life! Our purpose is to make choices and to continue growing towards love. Our real purpose is to choose LOVE!

So why then are so many of our choices based on fear? Why do we do things, how do we do things, even when do we do things so often based on fear? It’s time to make new choices. It’s time to stay present and get out of our busy monkey mind. When we are present and less mentally active we are more able to connect to our hearts, to our soul, and to our purpose! We make better choices this way and we realize that everything is okay even when our mind wants to tell us something else such as when our mind wants to reinforce our ‘story’ that keeps us stuck in fear.

So… what would you do differently? Would you find ways to hear the gentle guidance of your heart and soul, listen to the absolute knowing that everything is perfect?

Move towards love knowing that we can stop sabotaging ourselves and stop worrying that we are wrong or that we are a victim in this ever-changing world? Will you just relax into the flow and choose how you want to respond to life? I invite you to consider this possibility and change how you respond to the world – especially after this incredible Super Full Moon Total Eclipse these past few days! Our world is changing! And our Spiritual Growth is a Given.

-See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com

The Stories of ME

Image courtesy of njaj at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Since June I’ve been considering discussing this huge issue: the ‘stories we weave’ and how they impact everything in our lives. I have had the great honor of interviewing a new author Christopher Papadopoulos on his book Peace and Where to Find It, twice now (in June and this month, July). He discusses how our ‘thinking mind’ is involved in every moment we are awake. To achieve true Peace we must get out of our minds and into our hearts (sound familiar J). The key to doing this is in his new book. I chose 2 interviews as I wanted to discuss the concepts and then I wanted to discuss the practices.

How does ‘Peace’ fit into the ‘story of me’, you ask? I’m going to explain it. I hope! Our ‘stories’, our ‘identities’, are tied up in our thinking minds, (our egoic minds) and we elaborate on our ‘stories’ every time we maintain being unconsciously caught up in our heads! When we are constantly ‘thinking’ we are creating and cultivating our ‘stories’. You know the identity that is ’us’. It is who we believe we are from our ‘human perspective’. It is the ‘perceived’ image we have about our life … the labels we identify with, how we perceive others and what we believe others think about us! This is the ‘story of me’.

And we use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ to describe these ‘perceptions’ we have of ourselves. We like to embellish our ‘stories’ and recreate our identities whenever possible. You get the idea … it is who we believe we are when we are caught up in our minds all day long.

However, there is evidence to suggest that our perceptions are not truth, therefore all our judgments about others and how we believe they are judging us, isn’t the truth. Who we tell the world we are isn’t our true essence! When we are in our minds we are stressed, our muscles are tense, and we are constantly ‘doing’ things (including things to distract us from our discomfort and allow for unconscious addictions). When we are in our hearts with our hearts open and when we are in our bodies being aware of our subtle energy and breath … we are present. When we are present, we can BE peace! When we are present, we can change the ‘story of me’ and create from a place of peace, unconditional love, or your true essence.

However, first we have to clearly see our identity and our constant need to think. We need to know that who we perceive we are is our egoic mind, our thinking mind, our story that we have created due to our experiences and our perceptions of these experiences. We need to choose how we want to BE in our lives first and allow our inner feelings to guide us on how we experience the world.

Typically, we get up out of bed and just get caught up in our lives without a thought about how we want to experience it. We become unconscious once we begin ‘doing’ anything: from brushing our teeth, to driving our cars, to working. We tend to live in our ‘thinking heads’ believing this is the only way to get through the day. We are in a constant state of ‘thinking’, ‘doing’, and ‘reaction’! Then we continue through the day thinking about what we did and what we perceived was done to us, finding ways to justify what we did and how we are ‘right’! These are the very ‘stories’ I’m speaking about.

This is not to say that we aren’t here to ‘do’ things… we are, but we are to ‘do’ from a conscious place. Imagine if we not only consciously breathed but consciously ate and ‘did’ things from a conscious state of BEing! This would stop most of our ‘stories’ from continuing and magnifying. We could lie in bed, decide how we would like to feel today, maybe happy, motivated, confident or clear and relaxed… then we connect with how that feels. Once we choose, we can create a connection with that feeling and when we feel ourselves deviating, once life happens, we can make another choice to go back to that ‘feeling’ … or another feeling. And our Heart would be in the driver’s seat.

We could continue to make choices all day on how we would rather feel. Don’t confuse this with visualizations or positive thinking; this is about becoming conscious and aware at all times. Christopher uses the body and I believe this is the key. Whenever we feel ourselves stepping out (you know when sh@t happens or when we are feeling uncomfortable we leave our bodies or exist from the ‘thinking mind’ only) we can become conscious of our body and our breathing and this will ground us back into our selves. Then we don’t add to our story, we can choose create a new one!

Remember I was going to bring Peace into our ‘story’; well peace is our inner state of BEing. It is our true essence that always exists without our perceptions, without our judgments, and without our ‘story of me’. Have a listen to the interviews I have done with Christopher to understand how we both believe that peace comes from within and is not something that we need to ‘work’ on or ‘change’ outside of us … we just need to become conscious. Our ‘stories’ come from us being unconscious and from our thinking minds. We can choose to create a new story to include one where ‘peace’ is our constant state of BEing!

What story would you like to live?

Arrogance and Forgiveness

When I was writing the “forgiveness” article,  an area that kept coming up for me – because it was brought up in the Support Group call – became a significant piece in the ‘forgiveness’ process. This is related to our arrogance around ‘forgiveness’. When we have a belief that ‘forgiveness’ is necessary for a situation or a person it is because we have a judgment of a right and a wrong occurring with this situation or person. This is a huge issue for many of us – myself included – because we have judged something as right or wrong and this judgment is just our perception. Let me explain how I became aware of a lingering issue related to arrogance and ‘forgiveness’ from a recent experience.

This was something I needed to see and curiously I saw it while watching a TV series. I realized how tense I was becoming while watching. And I noticed that the tension was around ‘betrayal’. Betrayal has been a theme in my life and it tends to bring up a great deal of anger in me and that means of course I have not forgiven those who I have perceived to have betrayed me.

Since last month’s theme was about perceptions (read last month’s blog) I know that my perception of betrayal is skewed. From my personal history, because I felt I needed to take the ‘higher road’ and forgive – knowing how important forgiveness is – I thought I had forgiven many times. However, due to my reaction to the portrayal of betrayal in the television series it was obvious to me that I still didn’t feel safe, that I still was feeling the sense of betrayal.

And I still believed I was ‘right’ in my personal history of my perception of betrayal. After all, in each perceived betrayal, I believed that I was ‘wronged’ by another person and it seemed that I was ‘right’ and took the ‘higher road’. Yet by my seeming to take the ‘higher road’ I now see my ‘arrogance’ in that stance.  It was arrogance because I saw the other person as wrong and I would show them that I’m better than they are because I’ll take the ‘higher road’ and forgive them.

By so-called ‘taking the higher road’ I thought I had forgiven the other person. I saw myself as ‘right’ and had gone through the steps of forgiveness but, of course, this really was arrogance on my part because I had judged – and continued to judge – the other person or situation as being wrong.

Because I still didn’t feel safe in certain situations related to betrayal I knew that my gut brain had not completed the forgiveness process. From my training in mBraining I knew that we don’t fully forgive if we don’t do this from the Gut Brain. And since the Gut is about feeling safe and protecting us, if we don’t feel safe, we haven’t fully forgiven.  The sensing of not feeling safe became more evident while watching the TV series: as I experienced betrayal in the story I was getting very tense. Clearly I hadn’t ‘let-go’ of the perceived betrayals in my own “story”!

In the past I believed that I had forgiven others who I perceived had ‘betrayed’ me. I knew that this was through a mental process and that is completely ineffective. I had been aware of the heart for years now and how to bring the process into the heart. By using the mental and heart approach (of compassion) only, I had actually denied forgiveness through believing I had done the “right” thing or that I was taking the ‘higher road’. To me the process came from an open, heart felt place, however, because I didn’t feel safe in my recent watching of the television show I learned that I hadn’t fully forgiven those who had betrayed me in the past. The forgiveness had never come from the Gut or from a place of feeling safe. And it was through my arrogance that I thought I was still ‘right’, that I had taken the ‘higher road’, and I justified it so that it made me feel freer. But it wasn’t forgiveness.

As soon as we judge something as ‘right or wrong’, ‘good or bad’, it’s arrogance because we judge and we feel we KNOW what is going on. We’ll never know. And it’s arrogance to believe we will. We’ll never truly know the bigger picture. God / the Universe / our Higher Self has a plan (it’s always to grow towards love) but from our filters, our beliefs, our experiences it’s impossible to see the truth!

That sense of feeling ‘right’ is part of judgment and judgment is a sign of arrogance. So really, after all of this, I don’t need to forgive others because it is just my ‘perceptions’ that have labeled them as ‘wrong’ for whatever they did. And it was just my perceptions that have labeled me as ‘right’ and my ‘perception’ that the belief that taking the high road and being gracious enough to give them forgiveness was also forgiveness! The belief that I am ‘right’ is arrogance! And THAT impedes forgiveness or any healing.

The arrogance of believing that I had done the ‘right’ thing didn’t allow me to let go. But, for myself, I saw – in a process of contemplation – the fears, the pain and the sadness of the inner child of those who had betrayed me. I saw how in each situation that the inner child, of those I had perceived as betraying me, had made a decision or series of decisions that I allowed to hurt me.  I don’t need to know the reasons for their inner child decisions. I may never know the reasons. I just needed to let go of feeling unsafe. I needed to let go of feeling hurt. I needed to let go of my judgment – even my judgment about their hurt inner child. I needed to let go of my belief of my own ‘rightness’. I needed to let go of my arrogance.

To let go is to forgive!

How about you? What can you do? Let go! Let go of the judgment and the arrogance behind the need to feel ‘right’ in the midst of ‘perceiving’ to have been ‘wronged’. Let go. There is no need to hold on to the belief that you have to be ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’. This is judgment. This is arrogance. Just let go. Let go.

Let go.
See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/arrogance-and-forgiveness

Letting Go and Being Open

Surrendering isn’t easy, and staying open while letting go of things you want, is even more challenging.

Sometimes when we are going through change, there are little gifts being offered. Yet, most often we judge and try to control our lives. This closes us down and typically, we don’t even see, let alone allow these gifts to materialize in our lives. However, the gifts become more precious if we can remain open and allow them in.

Many have asked what “staying open” means or what it is like. This isn’t easy to explain in a world where we like to control everything and keep it the same. It means, allowing without judgement, all events and people to occur and happen within our experiences, consciously and with discernment. It means following the thread of passion or pleasure as it happens. To continue along this path as long as it brings you happiness. Also, it is about exploring your responses consciously. It means if you meet someone who makes you happy, even if they don’t meet your criteria (whether you are aware or not, we seem to have biases and a list of criteria for all people we meet), to remain open to it all. Because even if they may only be there for a short time, they ARE there to show you something. Even if it is just seeing your judgements!

We prejudge many people because of who we think we are. We have biases that restrict and control people we will be friends with, based on a definition of who we are, eg certain education level, similar interests and passions. Maybe our parents taught us to accept only certain people, and we limit who we let into our lives, and our growth, as a result. Relationships are the most key ingredient to our growth, and we often limit who we will be friends with based on certain criteria or judgements.

Our lives are controlled based on the decisions we make, and the only way we can grow is to let go and allow change into our lives. As I am going through my own metamorphosis and letting go of the predefined life I believed I “should” have… I found precious gifts waiting for me. Some have been to see my limitations and judgments. Others have been to allow me to open up and experience life from a different perspective.

I have realized that if we want change, we have to be willing to do, be and act differently. Opening up to all areas of our lives, letting go of the judgments and how we control each area is the beginning.

See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/letting-go-and-being-open

Choosing to Deepen Commitment with Self

Last month I looked at Sabotage, this month I want to explore Choices and how we can “choose” to accept and love ourselves. What does deepening your commitment to Self mean to you?

Consciously choosing to love and accept ourselves for who we are is much more challenging than choosing from a place of fear and sabotage. We are full of old patterns and belief systems that are unconscious and judged by society. If we choose to deepen our commitment to Self, we are acknowledging that our Soul’s growth is crucial to our lives. We recognize that we ARE important and worthy of our own love, therefore deserving of others’ love too.

Choosing Us, means we choose love over fear. It means taking some time to get out of our heads and move into our hearts, literally. Fear permeates our society and our unconscious reactions. Examining our reactions helps us establish our patterns and how we unconsciously react versus consciously responding. Choosing love, means being more present and conscious of our actions. Being conscious of our actions means asking our self whether we are trying to be a better person because we want others to like us or because we are in service and are acting out of a place of unconditional love. These are two very different places. One comes from a place of fear and inauthenticity (so we aren’t disliked or judged), while the other is without expectation and from an altruistic place (being authentic and with integrity). We all want to be a “good” person (honorable, honest), yet it is in the expectation of why we do something, that we can establish whether we are truly responding from love or reacting from fear.

When it comes to “deepening our commitment to Self”, we are often coming from a place of fear, worrying if others will like us and accept us as who we are! We are afraid we will be judged as selfish. We sabotage our growth from this place of fear. Coming from a place of love means being committed to honouring our body, our diet, meditating and exercising. It means saying yes when you want to say yes, and no when you want to say NO! It means being conscious of every choice we make or don’t make and why we react to situations and people. It is balancing out our energy so that we are receiving as much as we are giving. And it means giving to ourselves as well as others.

Choosing love, comes from our Heart and the gentle guidance of our Soul. It is expansive and empowering. It opens us to gratitude and unconditional acceptance of who we are.

See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/choosing-to-deepen-commitment-with-self

Magic and Grace

Every December, I write about the Magic of the Season. It is the Magic of love, compassion, and generosity. I know it is around all year, but I believe we all connect with it more strongly at this time. It has the power to open our hearts. And this year, I have become enchanted with the concept of “Grace”. Grace takes the Magic of the season and offers a gentle acceptance about life within our hearts.

It all began while watching the movie “The Tree of Life” where the mother speaks of Grace versus Nature. “The nuns taught us there are two ways through life, the way of Nature and the way of Grace. You have to choose which one to follow. Grace doesn’t try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. And others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy, when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things…” [nature as defined in Bible book 3, chapter 54]

There is magic in these words that has stayed with me… pondering how to live a life of Grace. To know that beyond the fear that we can get stuck in, there is Divine Consciousness; Grace that breathes through our lives. That speaks of gentle acceptance of everything that happens, because it isn’t personal. That speaks of guiding us to respond with unconditional love and acceptance instead of fear. That speaks of seeing “Love smiling through all things”.

However, we must move beyond our minds, our fears and pain, to a place that exists within all of us. This magic and grace is the same piece of Divinity that is Source. It is our Home. It is what makes us all one. However, we have to nurture this Magic, or else its magnificence fades. We dull magic when ever we are disappointed like through our fears, pain and attempts to control our lives. It dulls every time we give our fears more power than the “magic” within us and our lives.

Magic and grace exist, we just have to hold it within our hearts. And make a conscious choice to seek this. This time of year magic is strongest, touch upon it… remember it… rejoice that we have a touch of the Great Mystery within each of us. Let that magic overflow in all you do. Let your heart remember what it always knew. Find your own way to let Magic and Grace nurture and foster your Divine Essence. And let that Essence flow out into your life.

See more at: http://www.intuitivesoul.com/magic-and-grace