I’ve been
contemplating compromise in the grand scheme of our lives. We are taught that
we should be “in service” to the world; that if we want to love it is about
“giving”; and that our ego is “bad”. Then I reflected upon our dreams and
desires, how we need to set intentions and be clear about what we want so the
Universe can deliver our dreams, as long as we can let go and not try to
control the outcome. I also considered relationships, which is really the only
way we grow, so therefore, are probably one of the most important resources to
develop. And finally, I pondered about what it means to focus outside ourselves
instead of inside where the magic can happen. These thoughts all brought me to
try and understand whether we compromise too much of who we are in life, so
that we can follow the expectations of the world (spiritually, mentally,
physically and emotionally).
We seem to live
in a world full of dichotomy, full of demands and expectations, full of what is
“right vs wrong” and it becomes difficult to wrap our minds around what we need
to do for ourselves. Do we compromise who we are in relationships, whether they
are our intimate relationships, family, friends or work colleagues? I know I
have! Trying to do the right thing often leads us to compromise something
within us. A dream, a belief or a value that is in-congruent to who we are at a
soul level. When our boss requests we do something, and our job is contingent
on completing our tasks, do we have a choice? What about when our spouse
requests we set aside something that we are doing to assist them, or want us to
do something that we don’t or can’t because it is against our inner core? The
other problem is when are we just feeding our ego and its needs, doing something
that is what we need from a soul desire or opening our hearts and just plain
giving? Ego is really just what we want! It doesn’t take into consideration
“others”. Compromise and ego don’t really have a middle ground. Do our dreams,
intentions and desires have to take a back seat to compromising for the good of
our relationships?
When is
compromising the “right” thing to do and when does it corrode who we are and
our Soul’s dreams? We have to honor our inner convictions and inner self. I
think part of the problem is that we aren’t always conscious of our inner
values and belief systems. Probably this is where we have to begin the search
or deep understanding of who we are. I believe that when two people are in a
relationship dynamic that comes from different spectrums of the same thought
(example is the love vs fear spectrum, one person may be responding from a
place of love, the other from fear) we can discuss it rationally to get the
other person to see both sides of the spectrum. But sometimes it may be about
compromising part of what you need for the greater good of the relationship.
Perhaps as long as you aren’t settling for something that is essential to who
you are, maybe compromising is okay. Or maybe it has more to do with as long as
we are whole and residing in and honoring that place of wholeness within
ourselves, when someone asks us to do something, it is not a compromise, you
just do it or you don’t and there is no story about it because you are whole
and you are existing in that place of wholeness. The problem comes from when we
are not in this state or place of wholeness and then we simply exist from a
place and state of compromise. This is when awareness is key to our
understanding of what is compromise and how we define who we are!
Take some time
and reflect how well you are able to honor and respect yourself in relationship
with yourself and in relationship with others. Are there areas in your life
where you compromise yourself? Maybe some areas you have mastered and others
need some attention.
It is important
to recognize the difference between compromising what you want and compromising
who you are.
