We sometimes connect to the Flow of the Universe and feel Love and Accepted but what about those times when we are really attached to an outcome like when a bill comes that we weren’t expecting and we can’t pay it? What about those times when we have expectations on how a day will unfold because of how days like this have unfolded in the past? Like on Thanksgiving with our family – those who have good experiences with their family expect a fun day – those who expect lots of petty fights and arguments to break out often have our fears reinforced and what’s worse is we feel we are not enough. And lastly, what about those times when we are absolutely confident that we were treated poorly, were a victim or hurt by someone we love because of how we interpreted their actions or words?
Expectations and Attachments create so much harm to us and we often aren’t even aware of it happening. We tend to create expectations and attachments quickly and easily. It is similar to our judgments; we do it so quickly we don’t realize we have done it. And before we know it we are sliding down a slippery slope into stress and dis-ease. Why do expectations and attachments cause stress and dis-ease? Because our ego wants to be in control and when we aren’t in control we start to look for things we can do that will correct this and … down the spiral we go. The problem of course is we can never be in control – we can only BE in charge of how we respond – and that can only occur if we are in the moment and conscious.
Most of our expectations and attachments are unconscious; coming from our past experiences which, because of our expectations and attachments tend to repeat experiences in our present – and sometimes those repeat experiences are not the ones we really want . The only way to change this to allow us more opportunity to experience more of those perfect moments is for us to become more aware of ourselves and of what is happening around us. We have to BEcome more conscious of our everyday lives – our thoughts, our beliefs, our fears – and the reasons why we react to situations or people within our environment the way we do.
The question is what are your fears? What fear continues to push you to create these expectations and attachments? What are you striving to prove to yourself? Is it just the Ego that wants your expectations and attachments met?
Often we seek validation outside of ourselves and this comes from not feeling valued or enough within our lives. We also are unconsciously setting up situations that prove to us our fears. These expectations prove to us that we are not good enough or valued by society and then we compare ourselves and believe that everyone else is good enough. Our fears push us to perceive the world through our filters that come from our fears that create outcomes that reinforce why we fear things in the first place. It is a never-ending cycle that has to be stopped – this can only be done by understanding what our fears are.
When we have expectations about our attachments to outcomes over which we have no control – and we know it – and those situations are ones that we don’t like (even though we have created them unconsciously) we tend to be fearful of what we have created or what we are creating and to think that it is our own expectations to outcomes and our own attachments to outcomes we do not like that trigger this whole cycle. If we could just understand our fears we could at least have more opportunities to be in those moments that we can only describe as ‘perfect moments’. And how do we let go of our fears? How can we accept the pathway to perfect moments?
We can let go of the expectation that we need to be validated by something outside of us – to see ourselves as we are – only each of us can see ourselves for who we are! We tend to look outside ourselves for validation that we are okay. We hope that – expect that – we are lovable and accepted for who we are based on whether we are validated by those around us. It’s like we all still seek our parents’ approval for who we are.
The problem is: most of us did not receive our parents approval – at least not in every situation – and that is most likely because our parents didn’t receive the approval they were looking for. This will set up the expectations that continue to make us feel unloved, under-valued and unaccepted in some way. The expectation that someone else has to validate us on almost a continuous basis – takes us into a spiral that can never be sustained. We become attached to seeking approval outside of ourselves – when what we really need is to find love and acceptance within ourselves. We will always find faults when we look outside ourselves for validation; plus we will – or perhaps more correctly our “ego” will – search for ways to show us we can never measure up. We feed our fears by trying to prove we aren’t loved and accepted for who we are!
How do we get out of this spiral? We first need to BEcome more conscious of what is happening around us. And that isn’t about what is happening outside of us but rather what our reactions and responses are within us. Recognize our deepest fear and how that fear often creates more fear. Notice when we are seeking approval outside ourselves and find a way to connect inside to our Blissful Essence that is Infinite. Then make different choices. The one thing we are in charge of is our choices. We can choose to do the same thing over and over and hope we have a different outcome (definition of ‘insanity’) or we can choose small shifts that will allow us to let go of our expectations and attachments.
I choose to BEcome aware of the Divine BEing that I am. I choose to know that everything happens for a reason and that I am where I am because of the choices I have made. This empowers me to make different choices! It empowers me to KNOW that I am Divinely Perfect and no matter what has happened in the past it doesn’t define who I am now. I choose to lovingly take steps to embrace the Divine within. What choices do you make?
Content Source- https://www.intuitivesoul.com/expectations-and-attachments
This entry was posted in Blog and tagged Expectations and Attachments, Intuitive Counseling, intuitive counselor, Laurie Huston, Love and Acceptance, Tom Campbell, Validation
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